Layla the Letter Lady

I wrote this one right as Brady was graduating from Kindergarten and was starting to get really good at reading. Thanks to Dav Pilkey for the inspiration – I like to think that pranksters Harold and George would have loved to visit the NFRC. (Read on for more – and visit auntiekimberly.com for more content).


One day, Brady and Auntie Kimberly went to Target. Just as they walked in the door, they saw a little old lady who was walking around picking up pieces of paper from the floor. She looked very sad.

“Can we help you?” Brady asked.

“Oh, gosh,” the little old lady said, I’ve dropped my whole sack of letters.”

At first, they thought she was a mail lady, but then Brady and Auntie Kimberly noticed that she was carrying a yellow sack, and that each piece of paper she picked up had a letter on it! There were B’s and G’s and P’s and Q’s and J’s and A’s and every letter in the alphabet!

Brady said, “I’m Brady, and this is my Auntie Kimberly, and we’ll help you!” He and Auntie Kimberly looked all over where the shopping carts were and they picked up several E’s, a couple of X’s, and a whole bunch of other letters.

They handed the letters back to the little old lady.

“Thank you so much!” the little old lady said. “Now I can put these back in my yellow letter satchel!”

“What do you do with all the letters?” Brady asked.

“Oh, I’m glad you asked!” the little old lady said. “I’m Layla the Letter Lady! These are actually magic letters! When you arrange them to spell things, you can make the letters come to life!”

“I’d like to give you a reward for helping me,” Layla said. “What grade are you in?” she asked Brady.

“I’m a First Grader!” Brady said proudly.

“A First Grader!” the little old lady said. Then I know just what to give you!”

She pulled out eleven sheets of paper, each with one letter, and arranged them on the floor to say:

FIRST GRADER

“You can use the letters to make other words, too!” Layla said. Then she picked up all of the letters and handed them to Brady.

“How do the letters come to life?” Brady asked.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Layla said. Once you’ve spelled the words you want, you put your hands over the letters, palms facing down. Then you lift your hands straight up while you say, ‘Labracadab-‘

“Don’t you mean Abracadabra?” Auntie Kimberly asked.

Layla put her hands on her hips and looked at Brady. “Does your Auntie always interrupt like this?”

“Ummmm…no,” said Brady. “She usually does a pretty good job of listening.”

“I’m sorry,” said Auntie Kimberly. “Please continue, and I will just listen.”

Layla said, “OK, so you say ‘Labracadabra! Let Layla’s Letters Leap to Life!’ Oh, and then when you are done, you say, ‘Stand Down, Letters!’ Sometimes, you have to be very firm with them.”

“Gosh, Miss Layla, thanks!” Brady said.

“You’re welcome! Thank you for helping me!” Miss Layla said.

Brady started to say, “You’re welcome,” but all of a sudden, Miss Layla was gone!

Brady asked one of the Target workers, “Excuse, me, did you see where that little old lady with the yellow bag went?”

“What little old lady?” said the Target worker. There was no little old lady here!”

Brady looked at Auntie Kimberly and said, “YOU saw her, right?”

Auntie Kimberly said, “Yes, and I have the letters right here! That sure was weird that no one else could see her!”

Auntie Kimberly tucked the magic letters in her purse so they wouldn’t get lost. When they got back to Brady’s house, they spread the letters on his bedroom floor to read:

FIRST GRADER

Brady and Auntie Kimberly put their hands over the letters. As they lifted their hands up, they said, “Labracadabra! Let Layla’s Letters Leap to Life!”

Suddenly, the papers started shaking all on their own! Then they started jumping! Then they swirled around and around and disappeared!

When they looked around, the letters were gone, but they were inside Brady’s new First Grade classroom! Brady’s new teacher introduced herself. Brady told the new teacher how many books he had read over the summer, and she was super proud! She gave Brady a gold star! Then the teacher looked at Auntie Kimberly, and said, “You look a little too tall to be a first grader, but welcome to my class!”

“Uh, oh,” Auntie Kimberly said. “We’d better go! I’ve already done first grade once! Stand Down, Letters!” She had to say it a couple of times before they listened, but eventually, they found themselves back in Brady’s room. Brady was still holding the gold star, which he put in his underwear drawer.

“That was cool,” Brady said. If we re-arrange the letters, I’ll bet we can do some other stuff, too!”

But they looked and they looked and they looked. And they just couldn’t think of any other words to spell.

“Humph,” Auntie Kimberly said. “If Miss Layla had given us a ‘C’, we could have had a car.”

“Auntie Kimberly,” Brady said, “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. We should be happy that we got this present. And besides, you already have the Captain UnderpantsMobile.”

“OK, you are right,” Auntie Kimberly said. But let’s put our thinking caps on and see if we can come up with some more words.

They thought and thought and thought, and finally Auntie Kimberly said, “I’ve got one!” She pulled out a few of the letters and arranged them to say:

STAR FRIDGE

Brady and Auntie Kimberly put their hands over the letters. As they lifted their hands up, they said, “Labracadabra! Let Layla’s Letters Leap to Life!”

The papers shook and jumped and swirled and finally disappeared. When they looked up, they were in a kitchen with a giant glowing refrigerator!

“Let’s open it up and see what’s inside!” Brady said.

The refrigerator was so huge that Auntie Kimberly had to stand on her tiptoes and reach all the way up in order to open the fridge.

When she finally swung the door open, the whole fridge was filled with glowing stars of all different colors – blue and red and gold and silver and purple and pink!

They were so surprised, they didn’t know what to say. They just stared at the fridge. Suddenly, they heard a voice. “Hey! Are you guys going to get a snack, or are you going to stand here all day with my door open, letting the cold out?”

“Who’s there?” said Brady and Auntie Kimberly together.

“It’s me, the Star Fridge, of course. Take what you want and then shut my door!”

“Ummm…are the stars for eating?” asked Auntie Kimberly. “And what do they taste like?”

“Of course they’re for eating,” said the Fridge. And I don’t know what they taste like. You’re the ones who created me!”

Auntie Kimberly took out a purple star and took a tiny nibble. “Hey! This tastes like a Starbucks Mocha Frappacino!” She gobbled down the rest of the star.

Brady took a blue one and took a big bite. “This one tastes like dinosaur chicken nuggets!”

They ate several more stars (being careful to close the door each time they took something out so the fridge wouldn’t get cranky), and every star tasted like something yummy! Some tasted like vanilla ice cream and others tasted like grapes and others tasted like cheese pizza!

Finally, Brady said, “I’m getting full!”

“Me too,” said Auntie Kimberly. “We’d better go back.”

Brady and Auntie Kimberly said thank you to the Star Fridge and then together said, “Stand down, letters.”

Nothing happened.

“Maybe we should say it louder,” Auntie Kimberly said.

They both said really, really loud: “STAND DOWN LETTERS!”

And the next thing they knew, they were back in Brady’s room.

“Brady,” Auntie Kimberly said, “Your tummy is glowing from eating all those stars!”

“Ha, ha!” said Brady. “Yours is too!”

“OK, I have another idea,” said Brady. He shuffled through the letters, pulled out the ones he wanted and arranged them to say:

FAST RIDE

“Good idea,” said Auntie Kimberly. “And maybe this will give us a car after all!”

But when they said, “Labracadabra! Let Layla’s Letters Leap to Life!”, after the papers swirled around and around and disappeared, they saw…

A Couch?????

There was a sign on the couch that said, “Please do not sit on the couch. Thank you.”

Then some arms sprouted from the couch and threw away the sign! “Oh, you can ignore that sign and have a seat,” a voice said. Don’t forget to fasten your seat belts!”

“Ummm…is this the couch talking?” Brady asked.

“Of course. Who did you think it would be?” the couch asked. “A giant talking fridge???”

Just as Brady and Auntie Kimberly buckled their seat belts, the couch took off! Suddenly, they were flying through space on the couch!

Auntie Kimberly said, “GAAAAAAAAA! MR. COUCH, STOP DRIVING ALL CRAZY!!!!!!”

But Brady had his arms up in the air was yelling, “WHEEEEEEEEEEE! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!”

Auntie Kimberly yelled, “STAND DOWN LETTERS!”

Nothing happened. She tried again: “STAND DOWN LETTERS!! STAND DOWN LETTERS!!! STAND DOWN LETTERS!!!!!!!!!”

And finally, they were back in Brady’s room.

“Why did you do that?” Brady asked. “That was super fun!”

“Couches are for sitting, NOT for flying through space,” said Auntie Kimberly. Just then, she looked in Brady’s mirror. “GAAAAAAAA,” she said. My hair is all messed up from flying through space.”

Brady looked in the mirror, too. His hair was totally sticking out everywhere after their couch ride!

“Oooh!” Auntie Kimberly said, as she was trying to get her hair to smooth down instead of sticking out all over the place. “I just thought of the best one ever!” She sorted through the letters and set aside the “G”. Then she re-arranged the rest of the letters to say:

FART RIDERS

Brady put his hands over the letters and said, “Labracadabra! Let Layla’s Letters Leap to Life!”

“Brady, that was just a joke,” Auntie Kimberly said.

But it was too late. Brady had already said the words and raised his hands up to the sky!

The letters shook and danced and swirled. And when they disappeared, they were in the middle of a big grassy area, kind of like the place by the slide in Payson, except that there were bleachers set up where people could sit. There were also some teeny tiny people running around who were no taller than your little toe! They each wore a super teeny tiny cowboy hat.

Someone was passing out free t-shirts, and Brady and Auntie Kimberly each took one and put it on.

Suddenly, a voice came over the loudspeakers:

“I’D LIKE TO WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE NATIONAL FART RIDING CHAMPIONSHIPS!

FART RIDERS, TAKE YOUR MARK!”

All the tiny figures scurried over to where the bleachers were and stood behind a long red line. Then the voice came over the loudspeakers again:

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
START YOUR FARTS!”

Suddenly, there was a very loud “phhhhhbbbbtttttt”!

And the fart riders flew all over the place! The one who landed the farthest from the red line was declared the winner!

“Eeeeeeww!” said Auntie Kimberly. “Do you smell something really bad?”

“Oh, no…it’s the farts!” said Brady. He was holding his nose because the smell was so awful.

“STAND DOWN LETTERS!” they said together.

Nothing happened.

“Say it louder!” said Auntie Kimberly.

They yelled super loud, “STAND DOWN LETTERS!”

Still nothing.

“Try stomping your feet,” said Auntie Kimberly. Miss Layla said we might have to be firm.”

They yelled very loudly and stomped their feet with each word:

STAND! (Stomp)

DOWN! (Stomp)

LETTERS! (Stomp)

Finally, they found themselves back in Brady’s room. The letters were still on the floor spelling out

FART RIDERS

“OK,” said Auntie Kimberly. “I think that’s enough adventure for one day.”

Just then, General Mommy knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Brady said.

“Brady, it’s almost time for dinn-“

She looked at Brady. And then at Auntie Kimberly. And then back at Brady.

“Brady,” she said, “weren’t you wearing your Batman shirt before you went to Target?”

“Yes,” Brady said.

“And Auntie Kimberly,” she said, “weren’t you wearing your shirt from The Force Awakens?”

“Yes,” said Auntie Kimberly.

“Then WHY,” asked General Mommy, “are you both wearing t-shirts that say “National Fart Riding Championships?”

Brady and Auntie Kimberly looked at each other and said at the same time:

“It’s kind of a long story.”

The End.

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